Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Why I don't want her in my home after all these years...

A letter I wrote to Kris' Mom in 2004 he was living with her at the time...  I dont know why the fonts won't stay the same? Oh well....




I have spent many hours reflecting on Kris’s childhood, trying to understand why  he feels he was not treated like the other children in this family. 

I tried to be a wonderful mother to your son Loni.  I was passionate, determined, and totally committed to providing for his successful future.  If anything, I worked harder helping him because of his learningdisabilities. 


 I gave him exactly what my children received:


1.  Top education (Private School)

2.  Best medical and dental treatment

3.  $5000 worth of orthodontics (the most out of all my kids)

4.  Vacations all year round (Hawaii, Maui, Club Med in Mexico, Summers in Havasu, Skiing vacations in Big Bear, Yosemite, Pismo Beach, Malibu,

Manhatten Beach Surf Trip, Disneyland every year, riding dirt bikes….]

5.  A loving home with pool and housekeeper 5 days a week.

6.  A Step-Mom who worked at the school mostly in Kris’ class

7.  A Dad who was just as active in his life…  Boy Scout Leader, Assistant Baseball Coach.  He taught him to ride dirt bikes, fish, water ski, snow ski, play sports and took him to work when he could.


We gave him Christmas’ most kids dream of …  Presents covering the floor, Santa waking him at 3am with jingle bells.  We had to sit him down at 13 years old and tell him there wasn’t a Santa, It was Grandpa. 


 Tell me where he was mistreated?  He received more attention because he was the oldest and more toys because you gave him what we didn’t.



So tell me was he treated differently because of the negative things you taught him or because you never made him accountable for anything?  You just satisfied his every wish, when I tried to teach life lessons.


 Why couldn’t you help me raise him?  Just once, back me up 100%?  When he told you some far fetched story and you calmed down long enough to hear the facts  and agreed with what I was doing, just once I would have liked to hear you scream at him in the same way for making you look like a fool.  You never did…   

If our lives had been reversed I am the kind of Mom who would have backed you 110% I would have been grateful a Step-Mom loved my child as I loved yours.  I would have made sure he wore his headgear or arrived at his orthodontic appointments after she spent $5000 on braces.  If I somehow overlooked it and she wrote me an e-mail telling me how it put an undo burden on her, trying to make up the hours I would never write a nasty e-mail back stating things like “It is not your place to question what he does with me”.  When she would drive 4 hours on a weekend to meet me.  I would show my appreciation by being on time.  Knowing my actions towards her were speaking volumes to my child.

No, matter what we would have been a team he could not manipulate!  I would have taken full advantage of the gifts she offered and what a success my child would be!  What a lucky child to have 2 Mom’s that love him.


Part 2 in next post

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