Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Part 2

I tried being a friend to you, it made my life easier with him.  The hardest time for me was when you were between boyfriends.  All of a sudden, you didn’t want to be alone, you wanted to play Mommy, but you couldn’t handle the disciplining responsibilities of parenthood or the intense emotional commitment it takes to raise children.  I would have understood if you had a different idea on how to teach values or life lessons but you didn’t.  Unless you count sabotaging ours!  What amazes me the most is how you teach him to value material items and then teach him  to run away leaving it all behind.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

Why Loni?  Why do you choose to dissect me, Sam, and the other kids?  Could it be because you don’t want to look at the life lessons you have taught?  I could go on and on about how you taught him to reject our rules, then face consequences, scream & storm around acting like he is SO mistreated, call you and you rescue him from our terrible, horrible family who mistreats him so much!  Then you get on the phone as Kris listens and tell everyone.

How you can breed anger, resentment and jealousy in your own child I will never understand.  Why you help him cultivate a victim mentality is beyond my comprehension.  What purpose does it serve in your life?  This, I now realize is the reason Kris doesn’t feel like the other kids…  He was taught your Life lessons to live by not ours. 

 

  Your Life Lessons :

 

þ     1. Quick Trigger anger to those in his life without giving anyone the benefit of doubt.

þ      2. Running away when things get tough, then acting like a victim to gain support from others

þ     3.  Never save for anything, instant gratification, and fun aremore important.  .  When your money and toys are gone, be angry with those who saved and have them.

þ     4.  Do not be grateful for the gifts in your life instead look for the things you are not getting then allow resentment and jealousy to boil inside of you

þ     5.  Never apologize for anything your quick trigger anger may have caused.  Just act like nothing happened when you see them again.  Do not ever try to work out the problem.

 

In other words, your philosophy is:

 

Do not parent your children – Don’t teach them life lessons – Allow someone else to do it and then undermine everything they do and go around town saying “They sure messed this kid up – Why isn’t he like the other kids?  They treated him differently!”

 

 

 

So you see… if it seems like we  give more to the children in this house who live by our rules i.e.: don’t do drugs, respect us, go to school, clean their rooms on Thursdays, write thank you notes or letters and can somehow find a phone on Mother’s Day, Anniversaries, Birthdays and Holidays  Well…  Then I guess they earned it!

 

I gave freely of my time, love, and money.  I don’t owe anyone anything. I believe a child’s attitude is a direct reflection of what is being taught around them.  I am proud of what your son accomplished under my loving care.  (2 file folders of certificates of achievement confirm this)  Are you proud of his accomplishments while under your loving care?  

Dropped out of school, drugs, disrespecting you, being in debt thousands of dollars on accounts you helped him open, jail, court, gambling, smoking… You must be so proud… 

 

I am sure instead of taking a good long look into what I have said; you’ll just fire off another nasty letter to me.  I won’t read it.  I will never respect or value your opinions on Kristofer.  You will never grasp the true meaning of parenthood.  You just do what is self-serving with no regards for the future consequences for your own son.  You always take the easy way instead of the path that teaches life lessons.  Let me answer a question you asked me after not taking him to the orthodontist in 8 months.  “Don’t you think I want what is best for Kris too?  He is my only child” Based on results Loni, No you don’t.  You only want what is best for you.  

I won’t be available this time around.  I will not help get his life together after you have made a mess of it once again….

 

I have nothing left to give to Kris; he has taken and taken not giving anything in return but a negative attitude and path of destruction when he runs away again.  {Congratulations, your son is just like you)

 

I will not be put through another episode of ungrateful, resentful Kris and sabotaging, liar Loni.  You both need to grow up and be accountable for your choices.

I truly hope you can find something positive to fill the void of what you threw away.

 

Good luck on the journey...

4 comments:

candlejmr said...

Did you ever hear back from her?  This letter is from 4 years ago...have things gotten better or worse since then?  How long did Kris live with her?  With you?

I feel like I am playing catch-up and i want my facts straight! (LOL)

Is Kris still with you now from the accident??

((hugs))
Jeanne

crayzawhitegirl said...

Wow .... oh how I know this pain ....I just am not as strong as you .... thanks for being a friend not just on the internet ... but one who drove to pick up my child and love her like your own ... never even meeting me in person ... BTW kk wants to know is her name still in the bathroom???


love you always ...

Emma

eml625 said...

You are the better person, you are the better parent.

Love,
E.

lanurseprn said...

Wow...what a great letter! So what happened after that?
Pam