Tuesday, March 31, 2009

What I wanted to say... but I have been drinking... shhhhhh

Ok... forgive me for this entry but I am 3 sheets to the wind...

3 Ameretto Disarrono's with O.J.


Not O.J. Simpson... orange juice... I did meet O.J. Simpson once but that is another story...

Whoa time out...

3 sheets to the wind... what does that mean anyway?

Where in H E double hockey sticks did that come from anyway?

Was someone doing laundry drunk and lost a sheet?

I mean...seriously?

Ok... never mind... anyway...

Your probably wondering why I decided to have a few 'toddies' on a Tuesday night right?

Well I had to 'play' real estate agent yesterday... Sometimes in life... you have ta be a grown up and sometimes people drive you crazy... yesterday was one of those days...

I won't go into details... just this... I am the listing agent on a commercial building...

this agent brought in buying clients...

I have never met this agent before but I was a little taken back by his dress attire...

Normally.... Real Estate Agents dress in suits... or nice slacks and button up shirts...

however this is in Southern California... so technically anything goes... ok...

Now... imagine... a white guy in his 50's maybe 60's... balding...

Walks in wearing... white tennis shoes, white socks, white shorts - mid thigh,
white polo shirt... collar up...

Message to me was clear...

"Hi... I wish it was the 80's... I just finished watching 'Risky Business' for the 800,000 time,
I wish I played tennis this morning... but my tan says I did not... hopefully you won't notice that... I think I know more than you in real estate... and every chance I get... I am going to act like that for my clients.... and your name is?"

I wanted to say...

"Hi... my name is... 'I think you look ridiculous'... why don't you go sell that car you are driving [1974 white convertible Mercedes coupe] while I talk to your clients... I mean after all... we are 'ALL' ignoring you anyway... I mean seriously... "Dude... WTF?"

Can you guys tell... This guy bugged the HELL outta me...

We were ALL ignoring him... I guess he decided he needed to EARN his commission because he says at the end of the meeting...

"We need to have a meeting on ...."How you decided on your asking price" with a fake laugh...

like I was out in left field with my price...

I wanted to say so bad...

"Ohhh I just pulled the number outta my ass..."

"Really... it was because the numbers flowed together so well... don't you agree... they just roll off the tongue in a natural way..."

HELLO... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Your clients are salivating, wanting to move in next week...

You better shut up before I FIND a tennis racquet and smack you upside the head with it...


Opps... Did I say that?

Sorry it was the laundry...

I am 3 sheets to the wind...

Where the HELL is that other sheet anyway?

8 comments:

Rachel said...

OMG, this is TOO funny! You should've said at least ONE of the things that you were thinking, but you're a better person for holding it back.

Jimmy's Journal said...

I've been in the real estate business for 35 years and I have always enjoyed it, but I'm sad to say that the most rudest assholes in the world are lawyers, politicians, real estate agents and car salesmen....in that order!

Enjoy your buzz...I would have insulted the jerk even more.

Jimmy

Pamela said...

LMAO Kendra this story is hilarious! I'm ready to come up there and have some of those drinks with you. Those are good! They go down way too smoothly! LOL!
Thanks for listening to me "talk" about my day yesterday. You're my BESTEST friend!!
Love ya!

PS. I got both of those books! YAY!

Chrissie said...

I would have hit him too. Now I know why you needed a drink.

Gram Pam said...

You are so funny!!!!!! Can anyone tell us what the hell does 3 sheets to the wind mean??? Just curious......wish i was there to get drunk with you, maybe b4 you go to LV!! But we will see...love you Kendra!

Stephanie said...

3 toddies for tennis whites? Let's be grateful he had clothes on! LOL! Funny story. I hope the house sells.

JOHNSWORLD08 said...

I came across your blog thru Jommys Journal.I LOVE IT. I needed the laugh.You now have a new follower.Stop byine when you get a min.
JOHN

Penny said...

It comes from "3 sheets in the wind" ~ having to do with the ropes that hold the sail. The theory is that drunken sailors looked like the ropes when not fastened properly. One "sheet" loose - okay, but when 3 sheets are loose - disaster. I have felt that way before. Thanks for the wonderful monologue. Hope you enjoyed your evening. Blessings, Penny